In the previous post, I outlined the points to think about in writing self-development plan. The first step in the process of moving forward to the goal where you want to be is to figure where you came from.
I heard that our past defined who we are. The problem is that our past is the thing that is holding us back from moving forward. We accumulate the experiences every day and over time that creates our story that we keep on telling ourselves of who we are.
Our story starts with us being born. We don’t filter out anything what is happening around us. We take every person in our lives as a rule for life itself. By observation and rules imposed by our parents, siblings, friends, teachers and the socially in general we create the story of who we are. Or at least that is what we think we are. We know this only by how others behave towards us. We learn to please and survive. We see ourselves trough other people’s eyes.
Many times other people see us not the way we truly are, but by who they think we are. Their form believes about other people from the rules they know, by repeating the stories in the minds of who they are. So if you have a partner that had parents who hurt him and told him “I love you,” he will grow up thinking that hurting means loving the other person. And how messed up that is!
So if let’s say you were born into an abusive marriage, you will grow up believing that love hurts. So in order to be loved, the person you care about should hurt you. Or course, all of this happening on a subconscious level. You can think “I just give and give and give, and get nothing in return.”
Think of yourself. Describe yourself. Is that truly you? Are you a kind person who gives so much to other people to love them, but in return receives only abuse? Well, because you tell yourself a story about who you are. A person who is abused wants to be loved without abuse. But without changing the story about itself will never change the outcome.
The story that you keep on living thinking that is who you are, hurting you. That story needs to be let it go off and deleted from your memory.
Use meditation, self-development programs to find out who you really are. Love yourself so you can appreciate yourself and acknowledge who you truly are. Let yourself do things that you thought were not possible for you to do. Make yourself happy!
Only after understanding where you came from and what is the story you need to change about yourself will propel you forward.