It happens to me all the time: my husband comes up with the idea for a particular restaurant for dinner, and me, to be nice, I say “yes, sounds like a great idea!” When in reality, I don’t like the place. And that is not just once in a while, I would say about half of the time I don’t like his choices. But just to be nice and please him, I agree with suggestion and end up eating food that I don’t even like.
Did that happened to you? Not necessarily with the choice of restaurant, o a vacation, but anything that people asking you to do and you don’t really want it? Do you say “yes”, when you really want to say “no?”
Do you have a friend who always asks to do something with her that you really don’t like doing it? Do you have a family member that asks you to do favors for them when you know they can do it themselves? Is there a neighbor that constantly borrowing your tools? Well, if you don’t feel like doing that, why don’t you say “no?”
And the reason is simple. We are group members and afraid for our survival. We learn since small age to please everybody. We knew that if they don’t like us, they won’t feed us. We will die! We grow up pleasing others and forget that we are safe and there is no survival emergency that we couldn’t take care of ourselves. Of, courses, you still need a surgeon to do that heart operation for you!
So realize that there is nothing that they can’t do to you if you say “no” and don’t do what they tell you to do. Actually, by doing things for them you taking their power away and they are codependent for the rest of their lives.
Try this out, when your friend calls and you don’t want to go with her to the park, tell her that. Tell her that “I wish I could, but I am busy now.”
More than that, when you attend to your own needs, you will feel happier and more secure and nourished, not depleted. Then, when you see them, you will feel good about yourself, and there will be no resentment, because you had to please them all the time.
So do yourself a favor and say “no” when you mean “no.” They will survive. They will go do it themselves or find another way how to manage what they are asking you to.
Oh, and after I told my husband that I don’t want to go to that restaurant anymore, he said “ oh, I hate that place! But I would suggest, because I wanted to please you! I though you loved the place!” Ne, we never went back! I just wish I told him that earlier!